Home Alone

That's me, sort of. Consuelo's gone to the Philippines for 3 weeks so I'm on leave covering her at home. At work I'm covering absent partners or associates on a daily basis. Sometimes it feels almost as if I'm even covering myself while the real me's living in some other world out there.

It's been one big chuck fest so far. I have what I call a "best friend" hanging from a rail in the kitchen. It's a big Duty-Free plastic bag that's been helping me lug out countless bagloads of stuff to the common rubbish chute. A sturdy, silent, generous-sized best friend. Two years' worth of accumulated Happy Meal toys, kiddy drawings, done-ded sticker albums and crazy general whatnot that have added a ton of useless floor loading to our little flat are now finito. They make a great, satisfying noise clanging down seventeen floors worth of chute space.

The 3 big kids have been and will be going to stay over at my parents' place, coming back when Sarah has a ballet lesson or two. This saves me a lot of work, and we're thankful for the help. The quiet is very restful, but we're always glad to have them with us again. It's also holiday season so Sean has a good number of days at home particularly when the kids are back, so we're all managing to stay alive and fed and clean.

Rachel stays home. She naps beautifully (and longly) in her cot and we don't want to disrupt that. It's wonderful having gotten the hang of her daily routine. She responds so cheerfully and readily when all her needs are timely met, it feels almost criminal when we have to all go out and there's any disruption. Of which there've been several, given the festive season, but she's been sweetly accommodating of all those blips in her neat little baby life. She's also grown rather sticky to me. I foresee tears when I have to go back to work. Mine, not hers.

My Favourite Flower

Some mornings on my way to work, I find freshly shed blossoms under a frangipani tree along the way. I gather some of the best ones and arrange them at the base of my monitor.

I once also left a cluster on my secretary's desk, thinking that she'd be pleased to find them when she got to work. Shortly after she arrived, she came in to my room, looking a little worried and, I thought, scared! I asked her if everything was alright. She asked me if I was the one who had placed the flowers on her desk. I said yes. Visibly relieved, she told me that it gave her a turn to see them because, apparently, according to custom, these are flowers of DEATH and she thought it was a sign for her! Yikes.

Anyway, this morning, among an abundance of fallen ones on the grass, I picked up a particular bloom that you see on the right. In all my life admiring the frangipani, some 30 years now, this is the first time I've come across a six-petalled one. It's an anomaly, a genetic mutation, that makes it different from all the other perfectly formed flowers. I couldn't help thinking of Rachel. I showed it to another colleague and she said it was even more beautiful than the others, the way the overlap in the petals showed up more distinctly.

I saw only its difference, she saw its own perfection. I think it's a sign for me.

Mouth Disease

That's what I call it, since they're not getting any hand or foot blisters. Herpangina sounds so awful! The backs of their little throats are still red and ulcerated (say, "AHH!!"), and they're taking it in turn to start out with high fever that warms down to normal temperature in two or three days. Sophie first, then Sarah and Rachel, and finally Matt.

Very thankfully so far, the big ones are still perfectly able to watch too much TV, fight over a toy/game/thing/whatever, run around yelling and chasing each other (for that toy/game/thing/whatever), and generally carry on with normal life, including sleep. Baby's sleep is another story though, I'll save that for another time.

They're managing to eat soft foods like porridge and have no problems with drink. I feel quite sorry for them as the ulcers look horribly painful. Sophie sometimes cries about eating. But she cries only if we don't let her have her potato chips, which she continues to wolf down. Don't ask me how!

"My father" by Sarah S

My father's name
is Sean. he is 34 years
old. he does not have
an occupation. his favourite
food is chips. his hobby
is watching tV. I love him
because he loves me too.

Magic Zzzz

Just a note that, with a lot of patience and gentle persuasion from our dear Consuelo, Rachel has actually gone from "cannot nap anywhere except in arms" to "just prone her down in the cot when drowsy, pacifier-in-mouth and hanky-in-hand". Phew.

La Dolce Vita

For a while there I didn't think I could ever be happy again. Which was a sad reflection on the state of my faith of course. But it's amazing what time (and God) can do. I can truly smile again and just enjoy every day we are blessed with, especially this unexpectedly and wonderfully relaxing and refreshing exam period. And I mean my own exams which will (unfortunately) be done by 8pm tonight.

Because I'm officially supposed to be studying, there's no pressure to "spend time with the kids!!" like when I'm on annual leave. I drift in and out of my room as I please, feeding Rachel when it's time, picking up the girls from their school bus drop-off if I feel like it (which I do), and generally having absolutely no "mommy" stress. Study for exam? Oh, ya, that. Sure, I study, and I get butterflies before the papers, but that's like a grain of sand compared to the hopper-load when it comes to general parenting, and the ten tons that fell on us when Rachel was diagnosed.

For now, very thankfully, our curly-headed little 5+month-old is developing like any other (normal) baby. She's a pro at rolling over and over (to the left, to the left), brings everything to mouth including her toes, loves standing and jumping on her sturdy little café au lait spotted legs, with support of course. She's still nursing, but also walloping cereal, and coos and smiles and chuckles. We have all grown used to her unusual appearance with the enlarged right eye part and brown-patchy right side of her face, and the glaucoma treatment is currently merely a matter of eye drops morning and bedtime.

Deep sigh. Not one of resignation, but contentment. Life is so short and full of sorrow, but even fuller of joy and peace. As the Hokkien saying goes, "Want to cry, want to laugh, the sow accidentally pees."

Not-nice Ribena

Overheard, Sarah telling her grandmother:

"Mah-mah, do you know how to make not-nice Ribena?
First, you pour some Ribena.
Then, you add water until it's just nice.
Then, you keep adding more and more water."

Dogs and Frogs

The kids have a penchant for asking for the same song over and over again in the car.

Sophie was doing this one day when her current favourite ended and she immediately asked, "Daddy, please may I have 'Hot Jumping Sausage'?"

After our laughter had died down, Sean told Sophie the proper name of the song. Trying again, she said, "Daddy, please may I have 'King of Rocks'?"

More peals of laughter from the two older ones. I took matters into my own hands, slowly telling her each word of the title.

Sophie said, very carefully, "Daddy, please may I have 'King, and, Rock, of, Roll'?"

And they all join in loudly at the chorus, Sarah especially liking to sing, "Al, ber, TURKEY!"

No prizes for guessing the correct song title and first line of the chorus!

Sorry?

"Mummy, Sophie beat me! She beat my back!"

"Sophie, did you beat jie jie? You don't beat jie jie! Say 'sorry'!"

Sophie's reply: "I said 'sorry' when I was beating her!"

Moo...

The cow is resurrected. This time with the all-powerful Avent double electric pump, thanks to SIL.

The usual stressors arise: How's today's yield? How much time do I have before needing to feed/express? Should baby get formula supplements? IS SHE GETTING ENOUGH TO EAT????

Answer to the last question is of course a big resounding "NO!" according to both grandmothers. "Not growing!" "Not enough!" "Must give her more!"

Luckily, doctor is satisfied. And so the can of formula remains on standby, unopened. (Although I know my mom is just dying to take a knife to the foil seal and shake up 8 oz bottles à la Tom Cruise in ''Cocktail''.)

The trouble with supplementing is that it's not guaranteed entirely harmless. OK, harmless to baby, but potentially harmful to mom's supply. Baby is given formula, baby feeds less from mom, mom's supply drops, baby needs more formula, baby feeds even less from mom, mom's supply drops further... From past experience, a week of this can wipe supply out entirely.

Considering that Rachel has three older sublings bringing home germs that they lovingly rub into her hair and hands on a daily basis while cooing "Rachel! Rachel!" in funny high-pitched voices, germs as well as crumbs and other manner of sticky comestibles, thank you Sophie, Rachel seriously needs all the immunity she can get. As well as a thorough shampooing and washing up in her inflatable bath tub at bedtime every night, of course.

The Hand We've Been Dealt

I have been back at work for three days now. Rachel is 3 months and 1 week old. Consuelo is managing fine at home, so everyone's relieved.

On the last day of maternity leave (24 Aug), Rachel had her second NF1 doctor's visit at NUH. The ultrasound scan showed no spine or kidney abnormalities. Her weight gain and overall development also look all right after all. But the recently discovered lump on her left hip may need surgery under GA to be removed - BCG adenitis, a swelling of the lymph nodes as a result of immunization. She'll have to be seen again next Monday. We also picked up the copy of her MRI scan images.

Last Friday (21 Aug), her eye pressure was an acceptable 16, so her eye doctor at SNEC is pleased with the way the implant is working. But she advised us to obtain a copy of the MRI scan images from NUH.

Five weeks ago (17 July), Rachel had her third eye operation under GA to put in the Ahmed glaucoma implant . Everything went smoothly and she came out of the anaesthesia well so she could go home that evening. That was a Friday, after spending Thursday night at home on home-leave from the hospital.

On the Wednesday (15 July) before the surgery, she had her MRI scan under sedation. Although we didn't intend to stay overnight after the scan, she didn't come out of sedation well - got agitated and had to be given the antidote and then monitored for some time after that, so we spent Wednesday night in hospital. Since we were coming back on Friday for the operation the hospital didn't discharge her but they let her go on home-leave for Thursday night. The MRI scan showed a tumour (benign growth) in her head and around the right eye.

On the Monday (13 July) before the MRI scan, Rachel had her first NF1 doctor's visit at NUH. The doctor examined her over all and we spoke at some length about the likely NF1 or neurofibromatosis type 1 diagnosis. Doctor also ordered the MRI scan since the area around her right eye was (and still is) slightly swollen and the scan results would be able to better confirm the diagnosis.

Two weeks before her first NUH visit, we took Rachel to the Singapore National Eye Centre (SNEC) for a second opinion (30 June) where her second eye doctor advised putting in the Ahmed implant to which we agreed. Her first eye doctor was also in favour of this since her second eye operation under GA, a repeat trabeculectomy (12 June), once again proved unsuccessful. Her first eye doctor suspected that her swollen eye area could be a plexiform neurofibroma, considering her multiple café au lait spots.

Rachel had her first eye operation under GA on 25 May when she was exactly one week old. However, the trabeculectomy and trabeculotomy were not successful as her eye pressure crept up again although it was fine shortly after the operation.

When Rachel was handed to me upon delivery, I immediately noticed that her right eye was significantly larger than her left eye. The paediatrician called in an eye specialist who examined her and diagnosed congenital glaucoma. It all started from here and hasn't stopped since. Thankfully the intensity of visits (like see eye doctor 2-3 times a week for the first month of her life) has dropped and we're now generally at the home monitoring phase which will go on for the rest of her life. We just stand ready to deal with anything that crops up, if at all. Hopefully not.
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1 Sep 2009 ETA: Doc found that the BCG lump thing has diminished slightly so she's happy to wait for it to go off on its own. So are we! Just have to check that it doesn't get bigger or boggy. Phew.

Beef Horfun - nice or not?

For a change, we ta pao'd dinner from the tze char stall downstairs. Sarah had beef horfun.

After dinner, I asked her, "Did you like the horfun today, Sarah?"

"Yes," she replied.

"How did you find the beef?" I asked.

She took a while to consider this. Finally, she said, "It was on top."

Rachel's Here

Finally!

I arrived at hospital on Sunday at 11:30 pm, found to be 7cm. Yay! This should be quick! Doc Paul Tseng came and we agreed to have the waterbag broken to speed things up further.

But, after 3.5 hrs, STILL 7cm! Doc had gone home after waiting around for 2+ hours. By then I was getting very tired of the whole thing and asked for epidural. Super midwife Ms Susan Lim said "No need! You're going to deliver any time already!" and had me use the gas instead.

To save me from further suffering, with each contraction she literally took things into her own hands and helped me stretch. At one point I told her "Stop it! No contractions!" but she said "Don't worry, I'm just helping you," and continued to help me stretch. In less than 30min I was 9.5cm!

They called the doc back, and I was asked to push. Didn't feel any urge to push at all but oh well, no harm trying, and baby actually started descending! With a lot of encouragement from doc and midwife, eventually baby's head crowned. That's when doc said STOP pushing. By then, that was hard! But it was totally worth it because he could ease her head out, followed by a little more pushing on my part to get her shoulders clear which doc assisted with great skill, and there she was, all 3.54kg, and I didn't need any stitches!

I guess it can be considered a straightforward and relatively quick thing, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been possible without the wonderful help of midwife Ms Susan Lim and doc Paul Tseng at Thomson Medical Centre. I didn't need any "recovery", was pretty much back to normal other than feeling overall tiredness from pushing, and sleepy from staying up till 4am.

Oh, and Rachel has a headful of curls. Looks very much like her kor kor at birth. Very hairy all over, even her shoulders and ears!

Nesting

Otherwise known as an excuse to shop. No, really! See, Rachel is going to need:

Muslin squares for swaddling and catching burp-ups,











a nursing cover for discreet feeds anywhere,

















a carrier for hands-free transport,















buttonless sleep gowns for night-time diaper changes,











and of course a tote for lugging everything around in.













No prizes for guessing which one item didn't come off ebay!

Home Improving

OK looks like there's getting to be a trend here. Shortly before Sophie was born, we had stuff done to the house to make better use of the existing space.


This time round, we're replacing the water-warped and delaminated kitchen countertop with a single solid-surface stretch complete with undermounted black granite sink and glass cooker hob. Cabinet door hinges to be replaced as well, and a minor leak in a bathroom kerb to be fixed. As I speak they're dismantling the existing kitchen stuff and I hope to find it all done before next Friday.


We've also stacked up the girls' beds and Sarah has the top bunk with Sophie "downstairs". Pink and white flower-shaped wall lamps with green wiring each cosy up their own little nooks. Sophie has been surprisingly good about not being the one on top, although she did assure herself, "Next time when I'm big girl and Jiejie is small girl I can sleep on top." We have also on occasions found both girls zonked out on the top bunk! All to make space for Matt who'll be giving up his room to Rachel until she sleeps through, and then there'll be another round of rearrangements to come.

It's a lot closer this time - four more weeks to Rachel's estimated due date. Very happily, the firm has agreed to let me take a 12 week stretch followed by slightly shorter hours (9am-4pm) thereafter, until the end of the year. I'm now putting away whatever I can and trying not to take on anything that will require substantial following up when I'm away.

Sarah Says...

We were talking about tummy sizes in the car and Sarah remembered a lady we saw last year.

"Her tummy was very big! She was having twins!"

"We can't be sure Sarah, but it's possible. She must have given birth by now."

"My teacher told me about a mummy with five babies."

"Is that five children or five babies at once?"

"Five babies at once!"

"Do you know what that's called? They're quintuplets. Can you say that?"

"Quintuplets."

"Good. And one baby is a singleton. What do you call two babies at once?"

Sarah thought for a while and ventured, "Doubleton?"

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"Picasso!", I cried, when we drove past a Citroen Picasso at the mall. I've heard of this car as a family-friendly thing but never seen one so far.

"Picasso?", said Sarah. "That's a famous artist!"
She'd been learning about famous artists in school.

"Yup," I said. "Do you know what's his first name?"

She thought for a while and said, "Pika?"

Sophie and School

She's started! Pre-nursery, 8:30-noon. It's the same school that Sarah has been going to since last year but Sophie says, "Jie jie is going to my school."

Unfortunately she's still crying. I know it's only the first week, but it's ridiculous - she's crying because she doesn't want to come home! She cries either at school when she has to leave, or in the school bus all the way back. But in the mornings she happily sets off together with Sarah.

Her reason being: Sarah gets to stay on for lunch and afternoon enrichment activities like art, gym, speech and drama, while she has to go home for her lunch and nap. Actually we'd be very happy for her to stay on too, but the afternoon activities are only for the K1 and K2 kids.

Oh well. I'm just praying she'll be happy and learn lots and expend her energy there, and not clobber anyone. Yes, she's that kind. Even the gynae, when she came with us for one of baby's routine checks, commented that she seems the chilli padi sort. Oh dear!

"You wait, OK?"

Sophie has this thing where she'll sort of pump a chubby little high-five hand at people and tell them "You wait, OK?", before running off to get something that she wants to show them.

This morning, I was sitting down having breakfast in the living room with her and mentioned something about Rachel, the baby that we're all waiting to have born in May.

Sophie suddenly went, "Rachel, you wait, OK, wait in the tummy," while showing her hand to the bump. She then ran off and came back trailing a bunch of leftover balloons (from Sarah's party over the weekend) that she proceeded to carefully drape over my tummy!

A few weeks back, when a set of newborn baby rompers that I had won on ebay finally arrived in the mail, after explaining to Sophie that they were meant for the baby, she then pushed up my T-shirt and tried to shove them into my belly, saying, "Give Rachel!"

I really pray she will be as loving and generous when Rachel finally arrives. I remember how we thought that Matthew was already very well prepared for Sarah's arrival, and yet he still suddenly came over and pushed her head far away from me while I was feeding her one time, declaring as he did so, "Don't need milk!"

Apart from my dismay at his jealousy, the other thing was that Sarah remained latched on the whole time she got pushed away so it was a nasty stretch and back for me. :P

How Sarah sometimes sees the world

Sarah saw me throwing away boxes of candy from the cupboard and asked me why I was doing it.

"They're already expired, Sarah. You can't keep them for one year."

"Hu-uh? Then what about our baby when she's one year old? Can we still keep her?"

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We were sitting in church one day and I turned the hymn book to a page that had a nice song for Sarah to try reading by herself. She seemed very absorbed. Curious to know if she was really reading, I asked her to whisper the words to me.

She started softly, and I was impressed! All went very well until she came to the refrain and continued aloud,

"Avenue, avenue, avenue Maria."

I had a very hard time trying to be as quiet as a mouse while explaining to her that "Ave" didn't stand for "avenue" in this case.

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When traffic is clear, Sean likes driving briskly on the extreme right lane of the expressways. Along some stretches, the plants grow lush and tall. It feels especially cool and tropical when they're bank after bank of large wavy palms.

As the cars swish by ahead of us, the little vacuums they create "pull" the palm fronds right into the lane with a rippling effect. None of us were particularly paying any attention to this until Sarah said,

"Look, it's like the plants are cheering who's first!"

And then we realized it really did look like the spectator plants were waving us towards a chequered flag.

Chinese New Year...

...and the kids open their ang pow.

Happy New Wheels

Fresh from Sarah's newfound freedom on pedals, we took a good look at the equipment the kids had - it wasn't pretty.


Matt's right pedal had been broken to a stump following a few crashes, and Sarah's, while a good size for learning, was starting to prove too small for her growing frame. Besides, both had worn out bearings and dodgy brakes.


Time for 'proper' bikes then. A quick trip to Takashima later (involving some creative packaging in the boot), two new Diamondbacks have found their home with us. Pretty obvious which one belongs to whom...

Sarah's Turn

Must be a magic age - two months short of six years. That's when Matt and now Sarah went from four wheels to two.

The signs were there: we observed that she was riding steadily enough not to rely on the training wheels; and that her legs were strong enough to take the sustained pedalling required to maintain balance.

So off came the side wheels (once again), and with with one hand on the handlebar and the other gently supporting her shoulders, I gave the push off.

And Sarah quickly learnt, first just pedalling straight, then making gentle turns and finally starting on her own. That's it - cycling in three days.

Halfway There!

What with email and facebook, we've totally forgotten to say anything on this blog until now and I'm already 20 weeks gone!

After a precarious first trimester with full blown influenza, spotting, bed-rest and patent agent exams in London to cap it all with, things have settled down, thankfully. But wriggles, punches and kicks have picked up, especially when I'm trying to get to sleep.

The kids are real sweeties and never forget to give the bump goodnight pats and kisses, as well as random hugs. I hope they'll continue to be as loving after the birth in May, especially Sophie.

We'll be checking for major anomalies next Monday with a detailed ultrasound scan. Hope to know if it's a boy or a girl too. Matt wants a boy very much. I personally can't decide between wanting a boy to even things out or a girl for generally being less stressful to bring up. It's also been much easier to choose a girl's name while we can't seem to find a boy's one that we like that isn't already taken by somebody we know well.

Anyway, all we really pray for is a healthy normal child and a smooth and safe delivery. We'll be very grateful for your prayers too. Thanks!

Same form teacher, so...

We were told that Matt's P1 form teacher will be following them up to P2 for 2009. I asked Matt, "Do you think that will be good?"

He thought for a bit and replied, "Yes, because I'm already used to her scoldings."